Right now I’m reading old journals of mine and figured I’d share a few snippets. This first one isn’t dated. It is pretty much a random list of facts about myself and my life that I apparently felt the need to document for whatever reason. Anyway, I got a kick out of it, so, without further adieu…
“I reveal way too much of myself emotionally.
I often voice things I think my dog is thinking in a Muppet voice.
I feel very self-conscious when I am dressed up or in make-up.
I lived in my own reality as a child.
I tend to live in the past.
I have a hard time leaving the house for more than a couple hours.
I am ridiculously terrified of insects.
I have a very tiny attention span.
I don’t give myself enough credit.
Sometimes I dream of ‘true love’ and wake up missing my dream lover.
I secretly wish everyone would be my friend.
In high school, I was the worst shot-put thrower EVER.
I’m afraid of getting thin.
I’m terrified I may never be a mother.
I change words in songs to make them about my dog.”
…and, that is it. That is the last entry of that journal. Too funny. It is so wonderfully hilarious to go back and read these, especially the ones from when I was a teen before my mom died. I was so emo (although that wasn’t really even a thing back then) and I was always so devastated about everything all the time.
Oooh… This next one even has an illustration taped in there (the excitement just never ends). This one isn’t dated but it’s titled “Creatures of the Night”.
“When I was in high school I had a dream that I was wandering on a snowy mountaintop and I came to a log cabin. I walked around it and there were no doors. Suddenly, light blue fingers with long, blue fingernails slipped between a crack in the logs and then some sort of secret door opened. There stood an incredibly gorgeous, blue-skinned man/creature with long, flowing black hair and wearing a long, black jacket/trench coat. The moment I saw him, I felt a sense of completeness… and at that moment, I transformed into the same sort of creature. My skin turned pale blue and my nails and hair grew. It was as if I’d finally found my soulmate… my fellow creature of the night.
Anyway… the next day at school I drew a picture of my dream-lover and here he is.”
…and, last, but not least, this one is from February of 1999…
“Always, I am hurting. I entrust every part of myself to the people I love, and they see it as an opportunity to trample… To ruin anything good that may be in me… to rip out my heart… to use me… throw me away. No one is serious about anything. ANYTHING. There is no forever. I live in a dead world.”
Those last few lines are comedy gold right there. Gotta love the dramatics of teen years. It’d be interesting to go back and tell 16 year old me to chill out and hold on tight because this crazy ride that is life had only just begun.