Ever since I was a child, I have felt completely and totally worthless. I have never been able to see or accept any of my redeeming qualities, personality-wise or physically. I have failed at each and every endeavor on which I have ever embarked. I have never had a real career. I have never had a lasting relationship. I am so far from being a normal, successful person that I’m pretty sure I can’t even see its shore.
Recently I started seeing a counselor again (the excitement just never ends). Throughout our session I mentioned multiple times that my self-loathing is completely out of control… that I’ve never felt like a human being but always like a monster of sorts… that these things are impeding my quality of life. As I was about to leave, she said, “It sounds to me like you just need someone to talk to – a place to come vent.” Sure, lady. Nearly every moment of every day I want to die and have to talk myself out of it, but, yeah, I just need a place to come vent. Sheesh.