Predictable Cycle of Change

Sunday will be the 15th Mothers Day that has passed since my mom died. The sorrow and loss is just as deep, just as raw as it was the first time in 2000. That kind of grief that hurts so much it feels like you’re being kicked in the chest. Fifteen years she’s been gone and still all of the emotions and stages of grief decide to flood back whenever they please. Just a little while ago I picked up “A Mother Loss Workbook” and skimmed through for a few minutes. I mumbled to myself, “This is stupid” and tossed the book aside. I can’t help but wonder if it actually is or if I just don’t want to try to deal with it. Considering I have had the book for years and hardly opened it I would have to guess it is probably the latter scenario.

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Anyhow, I realize it has been ages since I’ve updated my blog. I have gained back probably close to 100 pounds. I am currently in the relapse stage of the whole “Cycle of Change”. I am fighting as hard as I can. I am gaining back a lot slower than other times and am hoping and praying to be able to get back on track before I gain everything back again.

As extremely depressing as this blog entry has been so far, things are actually going well. My husband Dave and I are happily married and in love and we have 2 sweet little doggy girls that we love very much. Hilariously enough, right as I finished typing that last sentence I heard a familiar sound… Ndnd (In-Dun-Da), our 7 year old Shih Tzu, dropping a pebble on the floor. In the event that a tiny pebble gets tracked in on someone’s shoe, NdNd will be sure to find it and play with it until one of us takes it away. Silly girl. 🙂

Well, it’s not much, but here it is… my first blog post in many moons. It feels nice.  ðŸ™‚

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2 responses to “Predictable Cycle of Change

  1. Hello, Jenny. I was just thinking of you today. You and I have one thing in common – the weight…such a common struggle. I lose mine, too and gain it right back. But I am trying to keep the faith. And I hear you and your sorrow about your mother. Know there are other wonderful things out there who want to love you, too. I know…if you are like me…being fat makes you self-conscious and it’s difficult to reach out…but it’s so important. Keep fighting and know your mother is proud of you for fighting the good fight. Come back to the frey…post a video. I hope you are ok.

    • Hi Beth, thank you so much for your kind and genuine words. It’s pretty cool that I just got on here and read this right now as I am sitting here alone in the middle of the night feeling sad and missing my mom. I really do need to post an update video, and a new blog entry, for that matter. Take care 🙂

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