A Leader, Perhaps?

Someone on YouTube left the greatest comment on my video of myself speaking at Weight Watchers. She said,

“You’re AMAZING!!!!! I hope you know how powerful and strong you are to be able to accomplish what you have! That’s awesome!!! You look so good and are extremely personable. You are a leader for sure–pursue that if you still want to…you would be phenomenal at it. You’re VERY inspiring…and not only because of the weight you’re losing. There’s something about you (on the inside) that is just really positive and motivating in general. Way to go!! You rock, girl. :)”

Totally made my day!

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Comes the Dawn

The following has been my favorite poem since I was 15 years old. It speaks to my soul. ❤

Comes the Dawn

After a while, you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand

and draining a soul

And you learn that love does not mean leaving

And company does not mean security

And you begin to learn

That kisses are not contracts

And presents are not promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and eyes open

With the grace of a woman

Not the grief of a child

And learn to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain

for plans and futures have a way

of falling down in mid-flight

After awhile, You learn that even sunshine

burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden and decorate

your own soul instead of waiting

for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and learn

With every goodbye

You learn

-Author Unknown

Reactions: A Laugh Had By All

Throughout my life I have always been made fun of, teased, laughed at and called names because of my weight. The way I’ve handled those times has varied through the years. As I wrote about a little while back, when I was a child I would lash out toward them with violence. In my teen years, I would just cry and feel sorry for myself. As a young adult, I would give only a silent smile to people who teased me. For the last several years of my life, I’ve taken a different and much more fun approach by using humor.

Two specific instances of counteracting malice with humor come to mind. The first instance happened one evening years ago while I was minding my own business grocery shopping. A group full of young guys approached me and were cracking up laughing and one of them said something like, “Look at ol’ weeble wobble!” while trying to mimic the way I walked. I said something along the lines of, “Haha, yeah, grow up.” He became enraged and said some really nasty things to me. I decided to react to the situation with humor. My response to his cruelties was, “Honey, you couldn’t handle all of this woman.” He and all of his friends turned around and walked away. I had successfully rendered them speechless.

The other instance was a time when I was out and about with Laura.  A car full of guys pulled up next to us at a stop light and were pointing at me and laughing. I decided to go with a rather unconventional response. I pointed back at them and laughed. They all started laughing even harder and rolled their window down and yelled, “You’re cool!” as they drove off. It was interesting how a car full of men taunting me had turned into something to laugh about.

We always have the opportunity to choose our reactions to each situation. Sometimes we just need to take a step back, breathe and assess things before we give that reaction. All of us will have times when we react poorly to something. It happens. What’s important is that we try our best to react to bullies the way that we want to, and not the way they hope and expect for us to act. Hold your head up high and don’t let them have the last laugh. As a matter of fact, every once in a while, a laugh can be had by all.

Reminiscing

Once again, tonight I am reading through some of my old blog entries on MySpace. It’s fascinating to me to read about what was going on in my life at certain times. I want to share something that I wrote on July 12, 2006 that spoke to me tonight. It is titled,

“‘I Miss You’ Sounds So Generic, It Just Doesn’t Cover It”

You are the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. You are the last thing I think of when I go to bed at night. I miss you when my head hits my pillow… and still, I miss you when I wake. In my dreams, I am with you. Holding you… caressing you… kissing you ever so gently. At just the thought of you, my body shivers with excitement. Your deep voice leaves me breathless… speechless. I sit on the phone with you in silence… gathering my thoughts and trying to think of idle conversation to give instead of saying the things I want to say… like how much I care for you… and how I miss you so… and how, if it were up to me, things would be so very different.

Confessions of a Foodaholic

Recently I have been asked by several people what my weight loss secret is. There is no secret to successfully dropping the pounds. It is all hard work and determination. Whenever asked if I have any advice, I pretty much always say the same thing. No matter what, we can NEVER GIVE UP!!!! Our health is much too important to be given up on. Bad decisions don’t have to mean the end of our weight loss journey. We all slip up. It happens. Fall down 7 times, stand up 8!!! It takes a much braver person to pick themselves up, brush themselves off and keep on fighting!

When I was a preschool teacher, we did our best to avoid using the word “no” when reprimanding the children. Instead, we would say to them, “That is not a choice.” That is basically how I am re-wiring my mindset towards overeating and making unhealthy choices. It is not a choice for me. This is the way I live my life now. I want to be healthy and live my life to its fullest and eating right and staying active is the only way I will be able to achieve that.

For the very first time in my lifelong fight against obesity, I do not feel like I am prisoner to a “diet” or that I’m missing out. Quite the contrary, as a matter of fact. For the very first time… I finally feel free.

Loss Never Leaves

I wrote this on Sept. 7, 2003…

I remember this time years ago when I was at Gim (my mom’s best friend)’s grave with Pat (her grandma). She was brushing the dead grass off of the graves of her family members. She knelt down by her mother’s tiny, worn gravestone and began to cry. She said to me, “My mom’s been dead for over 20 years… and I still miss her.”

I know that I will miss my mom every day for the rest of my life.