Right now I am listening to a song that reminds me of times gone by. It’s funny to think about how many times in my life I have thought that I had found “the one”… only to find that I had not. I do believe, however, that our Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. If it is His will for me to have a soulmate on this Earth then I’ll meet him when the time is right.
Do you remember what it felt like the very first time you convinced yourself that you had found “the one”? I was 15 years old and high on love. When that ended just as quickly as it had begun… I was completely crushed. It took years for my heart to very slowly heal. Back then I couldn’t comprehend the concept of just not being right for someone. I wondered why I wasn’t good enough (that ended up being a trend in my life for quite sometime). Oddly enough, that lack of self-esteem and insecurity with myself was exactly what had ended that first love in the first place. What had initially been heartbreaking ended up being a valuable life lesson… and I am very happy to say that I consider that person to be one of my bestest buddies to this very day.
A good portion of my young life has been spent trying desperately to find love. Something a counselor at church camp said to me one summer has always stuck with me. She said that she suspected that maybe the reason I yearned for love from a man so much was because I never had a relationship with my father. I suspect that she was right about that.
I have found over the years that up until this point in my life I had always thought that being in love was giving oneself up completely. I was so eager and willing to do whatever it took to make my man happy and didn’t care about my own happiness. Actually, their happiness was my happiness, or at least that’s what I thought. Now I know that isn’t how love is supposed to work. Late bloomer I may be, but I am blossoming nonetheless!
When I was younger I read an intro to a book that really made me think. The gist of it was about a girl who had a dream that all of the times her husband-to-be had been in love in his life was going to somehow cheapen what they would have together. For years I worried about that. I thought of the imagery the author described and applied it to my own life. I imagined myself being married someday, standing at the alter with my groom and having a line of men holding my hand and looking at me as I said my vows. I don’t see it that way at all. All love is different. Having been in love in the past does not in any way cheapen future love, just as finding your one and only soulmate on this Earth does not take away from love experienced in the past. There have been times when I thought I was in love and then later, through growing and maturing, realized I hadn’t been. Still, I’ve been blessed to have found love a precious few times in my life. It is incredible to think that the greatest love of my life may very well still be in store for me. For now, it is time for me to discover who *I* really am…